I think I was genetically predispositioned to be a worry wart. I come from a long line of worry warts and am a direct descendant of the biggest worry wart on the planet- my dad.
This is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because, in general, when you stress out about everything and think things are going to turn out terribly, you are usually pleasantly surprised. It's a curse because it's very rare that I truly relax and just enjoy myself, because there's always something I can be worrying about instead. Who wants to relax when they can worry themselves into a tizzy? Not me. I'm much happier being stressed out to the max.
Becoming a mother has somehow made me more and less of a worrier. I worry more, obviously, because I am responsible for the health and happiness of another human being. When Lucy is out of my sight I worry about her. It's only natural. At the same time, I worry less about silly things like work. Not that work is silly. I take pride in my work and I appreciate the two to three days a week I spend in the company of adults. But in the grand scheme of things, my job certainly doesn't define me. My roles as a wife and mother are far more important than any job I will ever have, and that's the way it is. Before I had Lucy I was working full-time and I remember coming home from work and just being stressed out about the next day before it even started. After Lucy came along I suddenly had the ability to leave any work-related stress right where it belongs- in the office. When I go home I have a sweet little girl to spend my time with, and that time is way too precious for me to be worrying about what's going on at work.
I have always worried about the little things, and most of the time everything turns out fine. One of my favorite scriptures is also one of the most simple- Psalm 46:10, Be still and know that I am God. It seems easy enough, but completely surrendering and just having peace and knowing that God is in control is sometimes very difficult. I'm not only a worrier but also a control freak, and I tend to worry most when I'm not in control of a situation. The reality is I should worry the least when I'm not in control, because let's face it- I have the ability to really mess things up. God doesn't! He has a perfect plan and my constant worrying does nothing to help accomplish His will for my life. If anything it hinders it.
This post comes as a result of a situation I was in on Wednesday that had my stomach in knots until it was resolved, which wasn't until 24 hours later. I prayed and prayed on Wednesday that God would resolve the problem quickly- and when I said quickly I meant before dinner! Of course things always happen in His time, not mine. And I truly believe He used this circumstance to remind me that worrying really doesn't help. He is constantly watching over me and He knows what's best for me. In this case, He let me worry a little to remind me that worrying does very little to actually help the situation. If I would just give everything to Him and worry a little less I would be a much happier person, and a much more effective witness.
I see God perform miracles every day, yet I worry about whether or not a UPS delivery is going to arrive on time. It doesn't make much sense, does it?
Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you. ~1 Peter 5:7
